Loneliness

From time to time things will go wrong and, to put it bluntly, you’ll feel rotten. The depth of your feelings will be directly related to the foolishness or lack of attention to detail that brought about the misery. From an outsider’s point of view, you may have seen someone who is suffering and wondered why they got so uptight about mistakes in life. The point is, quite often we blow our mistakes out of proportion, which hurts us more and makes recovery slower. Mistakes, failures and errors of judgment are going to happen from time to time, and we’ll feel alone. Feeling alone will occur whether we are supported by others or not.

Loneliness is a natural component of life experience by all who are determined to make something of their lives. It is not that we disregard the preferred comfort of friends and family. These are always significant assets to us all, and the special bond and affection of a close family is the best support anyone can have. But even with the strongest family or friendship support, the bottom line always exposes itself: It all really depends on me and I had better get back to the bench quickly, do some repair work and push on. We wallow in the comfort of friends and family is to slip back further into failure and despair. Very often what we need is a kick in the pants to increase our fighting spirit, rather than a soft shoulder to cry on.

Don’t get me wrong – I know we need comfort and support from those we love, but that is to be a temporary thing to dress the wounds and comfort the patient. After a while (and the shorter the time the better), we go back into the battle, bandages, wounds and all, and fight on towards our life goal.

Loneliness in life goals is natural because these goals are yours alone, and you must accept the full responsibility for the results or lack of results. The danger is to think that you can do it all alone, without support and encouragement. Without family and friends you must do the next best thing – encourage yourself. And how do you do that? By affirmation, auto-suggestion, reading good inspirational material (such as biographies) – and of course, prayer.

When the axe fall, you must take the blow yourself, and take full responsibility. During these times you feel what thousands have felt before you, that is the loneliness of leadership. For example, if you are in business and something does go wrong can you tell your bank manager? Of course not! He may well cut off financial supply. Can you share it with your staff? No, because they are looking to you for solutions, motivation and security. Well, can you share it with a competitor? Wrong again. He will be happy to know and take advantage of the set-back. Can you tell your spouse? Well, I’m sure that if I told my wife, it would double the trouble because she would start worrying about me. So let’s face it. When things go wrong, loneliness will be a natural component.

Of course, when things go right, share the glory and excitement with your family, friends and helpers. At times of victory it is only right you encourage as much participation as possible. Make the victories in your life goals special occasions because nobody will work faithfully and competently forever without some recognition. While you are at this point take a back seat, even if you are at the centre of attention. Too much involvement in the adoration of the crowd will separate you from your energy and next objective. Relish your victory when you are completely alone, knowing full when you set a goal and achieved it. Victory, like pain and loss, is a personal matter, and no one else can ever quite feel like a victor.

A point worth mentioning here is that people of high achievement are often accused of being aloof and independent, but I do not believe that is a fair generalization. Such an attitude shown by goal-setters and achievers is an expression of their dedication and commitment to a predetermined goal and not a reflection against other people. On the victory “high”, also guard against making any dramatic shift in your life’s goal plan. Wait for a sober moment to reassess if you feel it necessary.

1. Accept loneliness as a natural component of life.
2. Accept the comfort of family and friends as a breathing space only.
3. Nobody is going to fix the problem but you, so push on.
4. Even in success you can be alone.
5. Separating yourself from others because of your strong commitment is automatic.
6. Do not change plans when you are on a victory “high”.